How do you deal with the loss of your best friend? Our angel was the sweetest Maltese in the world. She was on heart medication and I knew she was going downhill, but my husband didn't want to see it. They were buddies and it has taken a heavy toll on him. He was the one who was with her when she went into convulsions and this has really shaken him up. I don't know what to do. Our hearts are broken.We miss her terribly.
Nothing in the world can fill the hole in your heart when you lose your Maltese. Only time will heal the pain, and bring only the happy memories back to your husband. I am so sorry for your loss.
Lynn,This is one time a person can say "I know how you feel." I lost my silky terrier Higgens after 14 years very suddenly. I was devestated. I cried for days and couldn't work or eat. So, I have great sympathy for you and not too many words of advice. That missing space is so empty for a long time. You both will have to cry it out and talk it out and it will still hurt. I have Lucy to love now, but my son and I still tell Higgens stories and we tell them to Lucy, too. I believe Higgens knew how much my heart hurt and that he helped me find Lucy. I am sure your baby is on a cloud watching over her family too.
If you got to Jay's Home Page, there is a beautiful poem called Rainbow Bridge. It talks about the special place our "fur" children go to wait for us. It is really a special healing. Print it out and read it often during these hardest days. Also, just take it easy and be kind to yourself. Know that there will be many here besides myself who will keep you in their hearts and in their prayers. I am so very, very sorry.
Dear Lynn,My heart goes out to you...we lost our beautiful Mandy a year and a half ago...and I told my husband "Did I mourn my parents death this much?" My heart still aches...but I have two new puppies to help as she left her sister Missy behind.
It may take a while for you to understand this, but I am
very glad that my Mandy wasn't by herself when she
went to Rainbow Bridge. I was there with her.
My thoughts are with you.
-Bel and the m & m & m girls
Dear Lynn, This has been a week of sad news and losses here this week. There are others here who can understand the very deep, painful grieving that you and your husband are experiencing. I don't believe there are any words that can erase the pain in your heart. This is very much like the loss of a child, and the grieving process needs to be honored and supported.
Some things others wiser than me have given me to help with this time of loss of a cherished companion: Accept and validate the grief...it's the most normal thing in the world to feel. Find all the pictures you have of your lost baby and make a scrapbook of your life with him. Make a tape recording, sharing special stories and memories of your loved one. Write a tribute or memorial to him. Share your pain with others who can understand and hear what you are feeling. Read a book (like Elizabeth Kubler-Ross) about the grieving process. Hold onto one another and create an island of safety where tears can heal.
If anyone says to you, "it was only a dog", "why don't you just get another one", or "isn't it about time you got over this?", remember that person has never experienced the special love and bond that you had with your Maltese. How sad for them.
One of the tragedies of life is that our loved ones eventually die. We have no control over this, and it impacts on us greatly. I lost a much loved animal several years back, and I admit I pined, just as your husband is doing, for several weeks.
The answer I found lies in replacement. Sure it's not the same animal, but the love interaction is the same, and may be actually closer. When I think about it, 'replacement' is not the correct word as in actual fact you are substituting. Take it from a person who has been through a loss, you have to fill the void! It's the only answer.
Lynn, I am sorry for your loss and my heart goes out to you and your husband. I think one of the best things you both can do is allow yourselves to 'feel' the pain of your loss. A loss is a loss, no matter what or who it is. Grief is a gift from God to allow us to be able to go on with 'life'. Tears are healing, so allow yourselves to let them flow whenever you feel like it. The last thing you both need is to be with people who do not have the compassion to listen to your pain. I support everything that Marsha had to say. If I was you I would go out and get a book that explains and encourages the 'normal' process of grief. I myself have two books on grief--one is called 'Good Grief' and the other is called 'How to Survive the Loss of a Love' which I highly recommend. It is a book that is topical, brief, and something you can carry in your purse whenever you need some comfort. It has poems in it too that are really beautiful. You need to understand you and your husband had a very special relationship with that precious little creature. Your dog loved you unconditionally, never wanted anything but your love and affection and praise. You and your husband put a lot of energy I'm sure making sure that your dog was loved in return and very well taken care of--because her very existence depended on both of you. So I respectfully say to both of you--it is normal to grieve your loss. I can assure you that not one day will go by that you won't think about her--something will remind you of her, but that is a good thing, is it not? She wouldn't want you to forget about her, would she? Memories of her is what you will fill your heart with, pleasant and comforting memories. As time does go by, the pain will become less, and the memories you have in your heart will grow stronger. And when the time is right for you , you may decide that you wish to give your love to another little one, not to replace your little girl, because she was a special individual with her own little personality, but to share your love with another little one who would again bring new joy into your lives. My sister had a toy poodle named 'Misty'--black as coal and a beautiful personality. She was hit by a car. The whole family was out on a search for her. My mother and I had to bring the news home to my sister. My mother and I stopped at the corner gas station and inquired about Misty. The man said he saw a little black dog get hit by a car. The car kept going, but a man behind stopped his truck and picked up 'Misty' and took her to a vet. She died on the way. The man must have seen the signs and called my sister to confirm our story. I loved that little dog. She was my special friend when I was growing up. It's been over 24 years since she died and I think about to this day. I had Pixie Bella over to my sister's today and I mentioned to my niece, "Doesn't Pixie remind you of Misty? So friendly and loving!" Please stay in touch; I'm a good listener and know others will be too.
I lost my beloved Lhasa Apso, Willis, in 1990 at the age of 14. It was a very difficult time for me and my family. When I got Touquet in 1995, I was hesitant because I did not think I would ever be able to love another dog the way I loved Willis. As it turns out, I love Touquet with all my heart, just as I loved Willis. Sometimes when I'm asleep, I dream that Willis and Touquet meet, and they have a joyful time romping through meadows. It is true doggy bliss. It makes me think that Willis is still with me, and that he even watches over Touquet.
My sincere sympathy for your loss...
Dear Lynne: I can't help you deal with your loss, but I am so sorry to learn about it. I just sat with my girls for a few minutes and said a pray for your loved one. Mine are just puppies and I can not begin to think about losing them. Hope you heal soon.
My sincere thanks to all of you for taking the time to listen to my feelings and understanding our pain. It is a loss that many of our friends cannot relate to. Our house is so empty now and we find ourselves reluctant to the idea of bringing another dog into our house just yet. This house will always be filled with wonderful memories of our little "Angel" Thanks again
Lynn, My experience after Higgens died was that I thought I'd never get another dog. I just loved him so much and couldn't bear the thought of "replacing" him. Every day the "quiet" got louder in my house and my head and my heart. One day I woke up and said I need a new baby NOW. It was about 4 months after Higgens died. I went through a lot of "it's too soon" thoughts, but truthfully, I missed his presence in my life and the sound of him in my house so much that I couldn't take it one more day. When I met the little fluff ball Lucy, it was love at first sight for both of us. To tell the truth, I felt a little guilty about "rushing into" buying a new puppy, but the time was right for me to begin to share that special love we have for the fur babies again. You, too, will know when that time comes for you. It may be sooner than you expect--my veterinarin was astonished that I had a new puppy so "soon," since only a few weeks before he had counseled me to go to a group on grieving that our local shelter holds for pet owner who've lost pets because I just couldn't "let go" or stop crying. (You might want to look into this, too. Ask your vet or call the local shelter). At any rate, one day you will be ready, whenever that is, and I hope and pray that you find your own "Lucy" to love. She has been my special gift from God.
Lynn, This has been a bad year for me. I lost my dachsie, Pepper. You just don't spend 14 years with a pet and not miss them. She was my dearest, sweetest friend. I have another elderly dog and am getting myself worked up to have a total emotional collapse when he dies. I guess I don't have any solutions for you, just want to say I feel for you. Time helps. I know I must always have a dog and Praise God for the great joy He gives us through His beautiful little innocent creatures.