Cats do whatever they want and you have no idea what they are thinking.
They rarely listen to you.
They're totally unpredictable.
They whine when they are not happy.
When you want to play, they want to be alone.
When you want to be alone, they want to play.
They expect you to cater to their every whim.
They're moody.
They leave hair everywhere.
They drive you nuts and cost an arm and a leg.

CONCLUSION: Dogs are little MEN in fur coats.

How many ducks?

Bob was showing off his hunting dog to his friend Bill. They went down towards a lake and Bob said to the dog, "How many ducks are there boy?" The dog raced off to the lake, came back a couple of minutes later, and barked twice. Seconds later, two ducks floated into view. "That was unbelievable, can he do it again?" Bill asked. "Sure", responded Bob, "how many ducks are there boy?" The dog raced off again, came back, and barked four times. Four ducks flew in and landed on the pond."I have to have that dog," Bill said, "I'll give you $5000 and all of my hunting dogs." They agreed to the deal, and Bill took the dog home to show off to his wife. Bill and his wife took his new dog down to the lake and Bill said, "How many ducks are there boy?"The dog raced off, came back, grabbed a stick, shook it, and threw it over his shoulder. "Bob gypped you," his wife said "You are such a fool." Bill protested, "But I saw it work, let me try again. How many ducks are there boy?" Again the dog raced off, came back, grabbed a stick, shook it, and threw it over his shoulder."Oh my" Bill said, "this dog is useless." Then, after selling the dog, he went back and told the story to Bob.After hearing that Bill had sold the dog, Bob cried "YOU FOOL! That dog was telling you that there were more ducks than you could shake a stick at!"

Liver and cheese

The Taco Bell Chihuahua, a Doberman and a Bulldog are in a doggie bar having a drink when a good-looking female Collie comes up to them and says, "Whoever can say liver and cheese in a sentence can have me." So the Doberman says, "I love liver and cheese." The Collie says, "That's not good enough." The Bulldog says, "I hate liver and cheese." She says, "That's not creative." Finally, with his ever-cool Mexican accent, the Chihuahua says, "Liver alone . . . Cheese mine."

Little Johnny

Little Johnny was practicing the violin in the living room while his father was trying to read in the den. The family's Maltese dog was lying in the den, and as the screeching sounds of little Johnny's violin reached his ears, the Maltese began to howl loudly. The father listened to the dog and the violin as long as he could.

Then he jumped up, slammed his paper to the floor and yelled above the noise, "For Pete's sake, can't you play something the dog doesn't know?!"

When the store manager returned from lunch, he noticed his clerk's hand was bandaged, but before he could ask about the bandage, the clerk said he had some very good news for him.' "Guess what, sir?" the clerk said. "I finally sold that terrible, ugly suit we've had so long!"' "Do you mean that repulsive pink-and-blue double-breasted thing?" the manager asked.' "That's the one!"' That's great!" the manager cried, "I thought we'd never get rid of that monstrosity! That had to be the ugliest suit we've ever had! But tell me. Why is your hand bandaged?"' "Oh," the clerk replied, "after I sold the guy that suit, his guide dog bit me."

This fundamentalist Christian couple felt it important to own an equally fundamentally Christian pet. So, they went shopping. At a kennel specializing in this particular breed, they found a dog they liked quite a lot. When they asked the dog to fetch the Bible, he did it in a flash. When they instructed him to look up Psalm 23, he complied equally fast, using his paws with dexterity. They were impressed, purchased the animal, and went home (piously, of course). That night they had friends over. They were so proud of their new fundamentalist dog and his major skills, they called the dog and showed off a little. The friends were impressed, and asked whether the dog was able to do any of the usual dog tricks, as well. This stopped the couple cold, as they hadn't thought about "normal" tricks. Well, they said, "let's try this out." Once more they called the dog, and they clearly pronounced the command, "Heel!" Quick as a wink, the dog jumped up, put his paw on the man's forehead, closed his eyes in concentration, and bowed his head.