Maltese Only News
August 2001
Just For Fun
Upon entering the little country store, the stranger noticed a sign saying; DANGER! BEWARE OF DOG! posted
on the glass door. Inside he noticed a harmless old hound dog asleep on the floor besides the cash register.
He asked the store manager, "Is THAT the dog folks are supposed to beware of?"
"Yep, that's him," he replied.
The stranger couldn't help but be amused. "That certainly doesn't look like a dangerous dog to me. Why in the
world would you post that sign?"
"Because," the owner replied, "before I posted that sign, people kept tripping over him."
THE DOGGIE PLEDGE
* "Kitty box crunchies" are not food.
* The computer's mouse is, unlike a real mouse, inedible.
* I will not eat the disposable diapers, especially the dirty ones.
* I will not play tug-o'-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet
* I will not eat any more socks and then re-deposit them in the backyard after processing.
* I will not chew my human's toothbrush and not tell them.
* I will not chew crayons or pens, 'specially not the red ones so my people will think I am dying.
* I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc.
* I will not wake Mommy up by sticking my cold, wet nose up her ear.
* I will not burn rubber through the open car window and into the fast food restaurant, no matter how good it smells.
* I will not throw up in the car.
* I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for Mom's driver's license and car registration.
* When in the car, I will not insist on having the window rolled down when it's raining outside.
* I must shake the rainwater out of my fur *before* entering the house.
* I will not drop soggy tennis balls in the underwear of someone who is sitting on the toilet.
* I will not steal my Mom's underwear and dance all over the back yard with it.
* The sofa is not a face towel. Neither are Mom and Dad's laps.
* We do not have a doorbell. I will not bark each time I hear one on TV.
* I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the coffee table.
* My head does not belong in the refrigerator.
* I will not roll my toys behind the fridge.
* The garbage collector is NOT stealing our stuff.
In a Veterinarian's waiting room: "Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"
A butcher is working, and really busy. He notices a dog in his shop and shoos him away. Later, he notices the dog is
back again.
He walks over to the dog, and notices the dog has a note in his mouth. The butcher takes the note, and it reads,
"Can I have 12 sausages and a leg of lamb, please." The butcher looks, and lo and behold, in the dog's mouth,
there is a ten dollar bill. So the butcher takes the money, puts the sausages and lamb in a bag, and places it in the
dog's mouth.
The butcher is very impressed, and since it's closing time, he decides to close up shop and follow the dog. So, off he
goes.
The dog is walking down the street and comes to a crossing. The dog puts down the bag, jumps up and presses the
crossing button. Then he waits patiently, bag in mouth, for the lights to change. They do, and he walks across the
road, with the butcher following.
The dog then comes to a bus stop, and starts looking at the timetable. The butcher is in awe at this stage. The dog
checks out the times, and sits on one of the seats to wait for the bus.
Along comes a bus. The dog walks to the front of the bus, looks at the number, and goes back to his seat. Another
bus comes. Again the dog goes and looks at the number, notices it's the right bus, and climbs on. The butcher, by
now open-mouthed, follows him onto the bus.
The bus travels thru town and out to the suburbs. Eventually the dog gets up, moves to the front of the bus, and
standing on his hind legs, pushes the button to stop the bus. The dog gets off, groceries still in his mouth, and the
butcher still following.
They walk down the road, and the dog approaches a house. He walks up the path, and drops the groceries on the
step. Then he walks back down the path, takes a big run, and throws himself -whap!- against the door. He goes
back down the path, takes another run, and throws himself -whap!- against the door again! There's no answer at the
door, so the dog goes back down the path, jumps up on a narrow wall, and walks along the perimeter of the garden.
He gets to a window, and bangs his head against it several times. He walks back, jumps off the wall, and waits at
the door. The butcher watches as a big guy opens the door, and starts laying into the dog, really yelling at him.
The butcher runs up and stops the guy. "What the heck are you doing? This dog is a genius. He could be on TV, for
God's sake!" To which the guy responds, "Clever, my eye. This is the second time this week he's forgotten his
key!"
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